Let’s start us off with a super fun story of my Aunt Lynn, Lovingly referred to as “Lynnie”. Now, our dear Lynnie would watch my sister and I on Tuesdays, any random day that our parents needed, and if we were sick.
I was just a little second grader, and on this day I happened to be, very ill. So, I was left in the care of my aunt. Sadly for me, she did not believe I was actually sick. This began a wonderful “sick day” adventure, that would be told for years to come
Lynn is a very determined women, and when I was little she was determined to not own a car. This meant that if we went anywhere, we were walking or biking and it was grocery day. In the town I grew up in there was two grocery stores. One was just a couple blocks from my house, the other was a couple miles. Take a wild guess on which grocery store my aunt liked to go to (even though they were the same store, just different locations), yep, you guessed it. My Aunt only went to the SuperOne that was a good couple miles away.
I asked to stay home from the little adventure, I was swiftly turned down. Why would I stay home? I clearly was only faking my illness to skip school, therefore I should have to walk to the downtown SuperOne as punishment.
I trudged my little butt out the door, through my neighborhood, past the other SuperOne, and walked the couple miles it took the get to the other SuperOne. You might say, I complained a little bit. Once at the downtown SuperOne she deposited me in the produce section, right next to the tomatoes. You see, I tended to wander off in stores, so she told me to stand and wait while she got the groceries.
She had been gone for just a few minutes before my illness took control. I then proceeded to throw up, profusely, in the produce section. All the adults in the vicinity stopped and stared. Who was this child vomiting near the tomatoes? Where was her parents?
All I remember is being small, and being scared, and the lights being to to bright.
My Aunt did not come for me. One of the workers brought me to the front, where they called for my aunt to come and get me. She did, and she was mad. How dare I, a sick child, vomit in the produce department? Where was my manners?
Leaving the groceries at the store, she whisked me back outside, and marched me back home. She still didn’t believe I was sick. Once home, she stuck me in bed.
A little while later, Lynnie noticed I had used up half the tissue box. In her mind this was a huge waste. I should not be using these tissues because I didn’t deserve them. She took the box away and came back a few minutes later with an old, oil covered, pink towell, she had gotten from the garage. This was my new tissue.
I spent the rest of the day in bed, waiting patiently (or not, most likely not) for my mom to come home and this torture to end. When she came home, I never told her about the days journey. She would only find out later, when the story started its telling and began its infamousy. Though, she did notice the towel/ tissue. She was not very pleased. Thus concluding the tragic story of my SuperOne trip.
My Crazy Aunts: The Overly Told True Story 
I’m going to be honest. I didn’t know whether to laugh or not because it “lowkey” sounded like your aunt was mean.
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I honestly want to go back in time and whisk you away from that horrible woman. I can just see a tiny, little Elizabeth shaking in the produce aisle after throwing up. I feel so bad for you! I think you should try and put this women in jail, or someplace far, far away from any child, like a basement.
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I just don’t understand why, if you wandered off so much, why you would be left alone. That makes no sense to me. On another note, I appreciate the level of detail that you remember from this experience, especially the dirty cloth and that it was near the tomato stand. I just hope this experience didn’t traumatize you too much.
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I have heard this story so many times, but I still find it hilarious. Picturing you making that 3 mile walk to the store in the freezing cold while sick also reignites my confusion about why mom and dad never had her see us less. You’d think that they would’ve realized at some point over the five years of elementary school that hey, this lady isn’t treating us the best. Oh well, we’re old enough and free now.
I enjoy all of your visuals that went along with the story. It brought a nice little vibrancy into your dark memory.
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This seems kind of dark, but I mean I don’t know if this was supposed to be a funny/ serious post. The funny part about this was when you were puking into the tomatoes. To be honest, I think you were just adding flavor to the tomatoes because tomatoes are pretty plain and tasteless. This was a very interesting post to read.
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This experience sounds like it was horrible. The way you described your “new tissue” made me want to throw up. How in the world did you put up with this? Did you have to go back there a lot after this? I also liked the lighthearted and matter-of-fact manner in which you related such a horrible story, such as, “I then proceeded to throw up, profusely, in the produce section.”
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It sounds like you should’ve puked in her shoes if she was that bad of an aunt.
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I think everyone can relate to a “guardian” thinking they are lying when staying home sick from school. Although, most people don’t have a story quite like this one. I loved how you used word choice to emphasize her unbelievable actions.
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This story was sad and highlights the terrible treatment you went through just to be able to write about it years later in a blog. It makes me wonder why she was allowed to watch you and your sister when your aunt really does seem crazy. I don’t know how it was so in-depth and detailed because I wouldn’t have been able to remember anything from that long ago.
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Who started sharing this story among your family, was it your crazy aunt or did you tell another family member and they started sharing the story?
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