Kidnapped??

Lets Just jump right in shall we?

This story takes place on, what I can only assume, is a Tuesday. Now, I say this because, my aunt Lynn watched us EVERY Tuesday, without fail. And on this adventure, Lynn was watching my sister and I, so Ima make my best guess here.

So it was a Tuesday, at the end of the school year. Still a bit of snow on the ground, mainly just dampness, muck, and mud, but fairly decent weather. Partly cloudy, a slight chill in the air.

I guess the weather isn’t exactly relevant, but the point is it was the end of the school year and we were in kindergarten. What happens to kindergartners at the end of the year? They get a free day off! It’s the most magical day, when everyone else goes to school, but the kindergarten stays home so next years kindergarten can come visit, and get to know the whole school system set up. So they know what they’re gonna be in for, for the next 13 years.

My Aunt thought that it would be the perfect day for an adventure! So, we got up, got breakfast, where I probably fell asleep with my head on my teddy bear, like I normally would. Actually I probably just fell asleep, my aunt wouldn’t allow me to have my teddy bear anymore, because I was “too old”, keep in mind I was about 5. Then we got dressed, several times. Getting dressed was always a hassle with my aunt, you always had to dress how SHE wanted you to. I remember this day she made me wear the absolute, most grubiest outfit that has ever walked this earth. I mean, that’s a little over the top, hers was definitely grubbier.

After all this was done, we headed out the door for an adventure packed day! Where were we going? Golf ball land. You’re probably, most definitely wondering, WTF is that? To be completely honest, we didn’t exactly know either.

Turns out golf ball land, was the forest behind the baseball feild. You see, there was also a place for golfers to practice putting there. Soooo, occasionally a golfer would lose one, and it would be missplaced in the forest, never to be seen again.

Until we showed up. I don’t know how my aunt had figured out there were all these golf balls in the forest, but she did. Today’s task: collect all those golf balls. Which we did. Now, I don’t exactly remember what my feelings were at this exact moment, but I can only assume I was having the time of my life. I mean, how can a hyperactive 5 year old not enjoy free range to run through the forest and collect golf balls? Sounds kinda like a blast.

That was until, the cops showed up.

You see, someone had spotted this creepy ass lady, in the middle of the woods, with two small children. They didn’t realize that we had the day off of school, so being the good Samaritans they were, they called in a kidnapping situation. So, a cop showed up and started asking my aunt some questions.

These were around the lines of:

“Who are you?”

“What are you doing with these small kids in the middle of the woods.”

“Are these your children?”

“Why are they not in school?”

To which she replied with”

“I’m Aunt Lynnie, and this is Mae and Bee.” (She called my sister Mae because she NEEDED a nickname, my nickname has always been Bee)

“We are collecting golf balls.”

“I am their aunt”

“It’s a day off.”

And then she did it, she offered him a golf ball. SHE OFFERED A POLICE OFFICER A DIRTY ASS GOLF BALL, SHE DUG OUT OF THE WOODS. Needless to say, he declined.

And for some unknown reason, the cop believed her whole, even though the situation was total sketch, and she seemed completely out of her lid. Or, the more likely thing was that he just couldn’t be bothered on this particular day.

So he told us to have a jolly ass day, and puttered away in his cop car. Hello people, clearly this lady was crazy and he never got any real clarification that she was actually our aunt. He just believed every word out of her mouth.

Moral of the story:

If we were actually being kidnapped, which was highly probably because this was sketch, we would have been. Because he just went with it, which is vaguely hilarious and vaguely concerning.